Anxiety & You

What is anxiety? I can define fear in a heart beat but anxiety is a little more concentrated. 

A friend once told me, “There are levels to this state and believe me it runs deep,” at the time I didn’t really consider the bearing of his statement but over the past 12 months I’ve witnessed, ‘The Age of Anxiety’ take centre stage. 

 How are you feeling about your business right now? If you are an employee what do you think 2021 has in store for you? Planning for the future is a given but the current climate may have just ‘curbed your enthusiasm’ ever so slightly! 

 Financial issues are one of the most detectable causes of anxiety so no longer having that career or job security will harvest all of those debilitating emotions. Couple that with working longer days from home (sometimes alone) in excess of 14 hours+, all this is a form of calamity. 

 Two of the most common coping strategies are talking to friends and walking. Can I suggest when talking to friends be constructive, yes voice your concerns but try to stimulate ideas, solutions, work with them to create a healthier mindset. 

 Walking – personally I love walking. To the extent that I load 10 litres of water in a rucksack and walk for two hours, it’s called rucking. I guess we can go into that with another blog….. Anyhow, walking is the perfect circuit breaker but remember the idea is to reset so try to avoid checking and responding to emails. Listen to a podcast instead, preferably one that isn’t work related. Music is always a good leveller, take a pew and watch the world go bye. People watching is an interesting pastime. 

 Comfort eating is a habit that sits snuggly in the wings, waiting for that four – six- week milestone when you look in the mirror and say WTF!! Fortunately, there is an abundance of nutritional advice available and for the most part also applicable. I personally start my day with fruit, I also drink plenty of water and avoid eating my evening meal after 8pm. Find what works for you, ultimately if the food you consume doesn’t create the mental/physical energy you need there is definitely scope for change. 

The most powerful tool I have at my disposal is reframing. As a Life Coach I’ll use this method with many of my clients and I’ve been rewarded with some amazing results. When you next get that feeling of ‘my colleague is stressing me out’ write it down, then look at the reasons why? Are they really stressing you or is your attitude towards them causing the stress? Be non-judgmental, look at the relationship from afar. Ask yourself, am I stressing out my colleague and how do I react to them in this state? You may have been a little curt of late, disagreeable, distant maybe. 

When the rhythm changes, we develop a renewed dynamic, crush the negativity by reframing scenarios, create your own reality.  

Using Emotional Intelligence at Work & in Daily Life

Riddle me this? Imagine you are in a dark room. How do you get out? Answer: Stop imagining…..  John Lennon.

Good, now I have your undivided attention answer this. Do you have emotional intelligence? For those who are quick to jump on the bandwagon, when did you last display it? Was it a conscious effort or straight from the heart?

 The first time I became aware of the phenomena was when a client sent me a book to say thank you. Inside the cover was a note thanking me for my emotional intelligence! On reflection I recall being compassionate and empathetic when necessary but it wasn’t conscious, it just was.

 My interest in people began at a tender age, I enjoy listening to their stories, perfect because the majority of people just want to be heard. So my starting point is patience, my cut off point is fatigue! We all have to hold back a little reserve in the tank but giving someone the time to blow smoke really uplifts their cognisance. 

 The ability to identify and manage your emotions and those of others are the fundamentals for emotional intelligence. Not to be confused with being emotional, which is a state that’s curtailed from childhood. Society prepares us to become a work-a-bee, the curriculum doesn’t accommodate emotion. Many of the problem we experience when interacting with one another is down to the fact that we are emotionally retarded. These moments have become habitual: from saying “hello” to a neighbour twice in a day, to disciplining a colleague at work, all contribute to that familiar feeling of awkwardness. You may be experiencing burnout at work but that uncomfortable feeling of discussing this with management is causing a bigger problem than the actual apathy. 

 Authenticity is lacking within people, how many times have you asked after somebody’s welfare without intent? You feel yourself regretting the question as they unload all their troubles onto your shoulders. Acknowledge your emotions they have value, you wouldn’t be of a rational mind without them. Showing and having emotions is perfectly normal, the uncomfortable feeling generally lies with other people. If you are unhappy with the way you are being treated, rather than call out a colleague on their behaviour towards you, highlight how their behaviour is making you feel. Expect an immediate shift of perspective, when dealing with the solution not the problem. 

 Let’s finish up by talking about relationship awareness. Group ethics are based on emotional awareness – the ability to be present within the group, open to the needs and experience of others. Check in with your own emotions and connect with the source, is the problem really Tim from accounts or is it the fact that last nights Deliveroo was 40 minutes late (and cold)? With time you will learn perspective and understand the relevance of that thought or feeling. Your social/group interactions will improve, giving you more confidence. Conflict is an opportunity not a hinderance and difference of opinion is one of the healthiest interactions to experience. An opportunity to learn not just about yourself but much more about other people. When seen as non-threatening conflict champions freedom and creativity. 

 Lastly, I would add humour. Please be cautious when treading this road, be sure you have a level of familiarity within the group or individual. Make a distinction of whom you’re talking with and gauge the room. Worst case scenario, I guess you could play safe and talk about the weather. 

Three Steps To Mindfulness

The mind is the most effective tool we have to achieve the life we desire. How we control such a powerful machine has been a mystery to many. Current research claims the mind generates over 600 thoughts a day, such a heavy load!

Simplicity is what we use to survive, utilising tools that are effective and conclusive will spawn long term change. All you need is commitment to be in the moment. Many times in life I have overreacted to a situation which in time, with a little guidance has reformed itself. Not to dismiss anxiety, the flight or flight response is indeed certified. 

So where do we start? The conscious mind, that little nugget that contains such things as sensations, memories, feelings, fantasies, are all privy to our current awareness. Sounds like a large serving of mindfulness, which can seem a little daunting to the tinkerer. So here are a few recommendations that can be employed to help you through the mire:

STALK YOUR THOUGHTS

Slowly become more aware of your thoughts throughout the day. Consciously analyse negative thoughts and establish the root not the cause of thought, eg: “I’m in a terrible mood so I berated another driver because they were too slow.” At this point consciously wish them peace and harmony then recognise the sensation of relief. You have just let go of all that animosity. You may be having negative thoughts about yourself, stop and replace words such as “I am not sure” to “I will make a conscious effort.” There is no quick fix only commitment. 

JOURNALING

I know this is not for everyone but neither is your journal. Gratitude is always a good starting point, when we acknowledge what we are thankful for, we then receive energy in return, along with an abundance of positivity and happiness. We are the living embodiment of our thoughts. There is no right or wrong approach to journaling, only clarity. 

OTHER PEOPLE’S OPINIONS

Everything about who we believe we are is just a collection of stories. Societal, family, personal, all unbroken stories. These stories provide a sense of self i.e. ‘the ego!’ There is a saying that: “Things are as they are because of the stories people are telling themselves.”

I personally have been through many transformations during this lifetime and the biggest resistance has been from others. We need to become the witness of our story only then can we control the narrative. The majority of negativity is normally perpetuated by those who lack confidence within themselves. Look at your immediate circle and ask yourself what value do they bring into my world? 

We are all at different stages and some of your nearest and dearest can be the scariest! Choose the right person for the conversation, if you don’t have someone, go ahead and find one. There are 7.8 billion on the planet.